CDC Now Recommends Wearing A Seat Belt Even When You’re Outside The Car

ATLANTA, GA — 28 Apr 2021 – The CDC has issued brand new recommendations regarding the wearing of seat belts. Health experts there are now recommending people wear a seat belt, even when outside the car.

“This guidance is especially important if you’re in a large group of people at the park or an outdoor event,” said Dr. Stiku Pumybum. “Risk of collisions leading to bone breaks or concussions dramatically increase in large groups of people. Billions could die!”

When pressed regarding what gives the CDC authority to comment on seat belt usage, they clarified that these were simply recommendations based on the latest scientific research, for the sake of public health. When further asked how exactly a seat belt that’s not anchored to anything can protect anyone, they replied with a statement saying “SHUT UP IT’S SCIENCE!”

The Federal Government has responded with a nationwide seat belt order for all public parks, buildings, and sidewalks.

“I don’t know what’s so hard about this,” said Biden as his aides handed him a juice box and tightened his 5-point harness. “Just wear the dang seatbelt folks!”

Bob’s Quality Seat Belt Company concurred with the CDC findings and confirmed that new “outdoor seatbelts” are now on sale for $59.99.

What a deal!

From the BabylonBee.com
https://babylonbee.com/news/car-manufacturers-now-recommend-wearing-a-seatbelt-even-when-youre-outside-the-car

Thanks to Laurel for this link


14 thoughts on “CDC Now Recommends Wearing A Seat Belt Even When You’re Outside The Car”

  1. Well old Chou Bai Den will advertise to wear a brthday suit upon celebrating your own birthday .

  2. Everyone now:
    It’s time to invest in
    Bob’s Quality Seat Belt Company!

    For a small donation I’ll send you the link.
    Good investing!

  3. The ongoing ‘real’ reality joke… the real-time overt end of anything not conforming to ‘CWNS-clown theatre’ and our former illusion of 1A protected ‘free speech’:

    i.e.
    Dr. Joseph Mercola: Why I’m Removing All Articles Related To Vitamin D, C And Zinc And COVID-19 (save/download* for posterity)
    May 1, 2021
    https://infiniteunknown.net/2021/05/01/dr-joseph-mercola-why-im-removing-all-articles-related-to-vitamin-d-c-and-zinc-and-covid-19/
    https://www.mdpi.com/2072-6643/12/11/3361/htm (* also)

    The end of this era was well predicted by AW decades ago when the internet was still in its infancy. (* also)
    http://www.alanwattsentientsentinel.eu/english/currentEnglish.html

    CWNS
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KOu_vlH3THM
    (with a simple synopsis for the hard of thinking)
    http://www.screenonline.org.uk/tv/id/1403399/synopsis.html

    … the attempted end of the US 2A and a mass eugenics cognisance (by the survivors) ww.

  4. And don’t forget to wear your bicycle helmet when walking or, especially, jogging. You could fall or run into someone and sustain a serious head injury. IT’S SCIENCE!

  5. Government officials are getting more outlandish and stupid at the Biden administration rolls on. Next thing they will suggest that you anchor your self to a shopping cart when in a store for protection.

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